December 18, 2013

I’d Like Frank Shirley, My Boss, Right Here Tonight

“If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one.”

- Chevy Chase, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

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I don’t understand why more people don’t share exactly what they want for Christmas.  Other than the fact that it’s pretentious, self-involved, and completely flies in the face of the Christmas spirit.  But besides that, doesn’t it just make sense?  (And yes, this does have one upside for you – if you really are looking for any last-minute gift ideas, this may help.)

Why does this belong on my professional blog site?  Well, I don’t have a personal one.  And it also serves as a bit of a mile-marker of where I am in my career (and life).  So, for me… 37.  And not married.  Yet oddly now with a registry.

And I know there’s the Amazon Wish List, but do people really use that?  It’s a great idea, but so it was, too, when one of the girls in HBO‘s Girls was lost and shared a pin of her location on her iPhone with her friend.  Amazing.  But yet I’ve never seen anyone do that in real life.

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So, in the hopes of beginning a Holiday tradition – and not able to come up with a better way to do that than combining references from my favorite rant and a program that depicts spoiled youth in modern society – here goes:

Year of The Hustle Calendar

$24.  It’s inspired by Jerry Seinfeld, who reportedly said this to a computer programmer who wanted to be a writer/comic:  “He told me to get a big wall calendar that has a whole year on one page and hang it on a prominent wall. The next step was to get a big red magic marker.  He said for each day that I do my task of writing, I get to put a big red X over that day.  ‘After a few days you’ll have a chain.  Just keep at it and the chain will grow longer every day.  You’ll like seeing that chain, especially when you get a few weeks under your belt.  Your only job next is to not break the chain.’”

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Punching Bag

$230.  “Anyway, I went to this doctor.  Well, he told me I swallow a lot of aggression… along with a lot of pizzas.” – John Candy, Stripes

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I’m a tad smaller – more the size of a candystriper – but a punching Bob would help me take out my anger a bit more healthily.  Especially if I miss a day on that calendar.

 

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Funny T-Shirt

$29.  I don’t know if I’d really rock a shirt with the F word on it, but I might need this for novelty’s – and nerd’s – sake.

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Comedian T-Shirts – George Carlin, Richard Pryor, and Lenny Bruce

$39, $22, and $20.  My Redd Foxx one is a hit so why stop there, you big dummy?

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Welcome Mat

$20.  Very punny.

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Place Mats

$20.  I need 8 of ‘em.  8 mats.  Not 8 sets of 8 mats.  Why would I need that many?  That’d be the $64,000 question.

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Coasters

$12.  I do have a cool set of coasters but not this cool – and this nerdy.  Not sure how I’ve made it this far without ‘em… guess I’ve kind of coasted.

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Scarves

$75 – $395.  My Mom just bought me this one.  I’d love more.  It’s boss.  And BOSS.

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Comic Genius

$33.  My therapist owns this book.  And I got my therapist thru the Laugh Factory in Hollywood.  So it makes sense.

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Portable Air Mattress

$69.  And if you still feel deflated after therapy, you can get an self-inflatable air mattress.  My brother, Vikas, owns one.  It’s legit.  It deflates all the way down to fit in a backpack.  People not included.

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Heelys

$70.  Since I’m still a kid at heart, I seriously want a pair.  I’m a size 9 in sneakers and 8 in dress shoes.  You do the math.  8.5?

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“Follow them size 5s.” – Mama Fratelli, The Goonies

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Shoe Lifts

$12.  But I’m still an adult, so I want to be higher off the ground.  Still a size 8.5.

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“I wish I was a little bit taller.” – Skee-Lo (If he wore these, would he be Skee-Hi?)

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Ties

$95 – $350.  I like ‘em thin.  And rich-looking.

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Nature’s Guru Chai

$26.  I had some of the masala spice chai at an event I recently hosted in Southern California.  I’m a tea & coffee fiend – and it was phenomenal.

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The Beatles CDs – The Beatles Bootleg Recordings 1963, LOVE, and On Air – Live at The BBC Volume 2

I prolly love tea because of the British influence in India.  I’m torn on whether to buy more CDs since I haven’t bought one in so long – I get most of my music online (primarily Spotify) so might be able to settle for purchasing these in iTunes (and I think some of these may only be available in iTunes) but the Beatles have put out a few more compilations I don’t currently own.

 

A Big Booty Hoe

$?.  Oh, never mind.  That’s for my birthday.

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Pairs of Socks (and Socks)

$15.  They’ll go well with my Heelys.

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“They’re MY socks!” – George & Jerry arguing.  Another Seinfeld reference.  And now we’ve come full circle.

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I’ll be sure to share this on Facebook.  As far as where to ship, email me.  Or just show up.  It’ll be in the house with the Mat mat.

 
1 Comment  Add Your Own
  • 12 Months of Rajiv said:

    […] last week, I posted my Christmas list.  The first thing on it was the Year of The Hustle calendar, inspired by Jerry Seinfeld’s […]

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