December 18, 2013

I’d Like Frank Shirley, My Boss, Right Here Tonight

“If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one.”

- Chevy Chase, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation


I don’t understand why more people don’t share exactly what they want for Christmas.  Other than the fact that it’s pretentious, self-involved, and completely flies in the face of the Christmas spirit.  But besides that, doesn’t it just make sense?  (And yes, this does have one upside for you – if you really are looking for any last-minute gift ideas, this may help.)

Why does this belong on my professional blog site?  Well, I don’t have a personal one.  And it also serves as a bit of a mile-marker of where I am in my career (and life).  So, for me… 37.  And not married.  Yet oddly now with a registry.

And I know there’s the Amazon Wish List, but do people really use that?  It’s a great idea, but so it was, too, when one of the girls in HBO‘s Girls was lost and shared a pin of her location on her iPhone with her friend.  Amazing.  But yet I’ve never seen anyone do that in real life.


So, in the hopes of beginning a Holiday tradition – and not able to come up with a better way to do that than combining references from my favorite rant and a program that depicts spoiled youth in modern society – here goes:

Year of The Hustle Calendar

$24.  It’s inspired by Jerry Seinfeld, who reportedly said this to a computer programmer who wanted to be a writer/comic:  “He told me to get a big wall calendar that has a whole year on one page and hang it on a prominent wall. The next step was to get a big red magic marker.  He said for each day that I do my task of writing, I get to put a big red X over that day.  ‘After a few days you’ll have a chain.  Just keep at it and the chain will grow longer every day.  You’ll like seeing that chain, especially when you get a few weeks under your belt.  Your only job next is to not break the chain.’”


Punching Bag

$230.  “Anyway, I went to this doctor.  Well, he told me I swallow a lot of aggression… along with a lot of pizzas.” – John Candy, Stripes


I’m a tad smaller – more the size of a candystriper – but a punching Bob would help me take out my anger a bit more healthily.  Especially if I miss a day on that calendar.



Funny T-Shirt

$29.  I don’t know if I’d really rock a shirt with the F word on it, but I might need this for novelty’s – and nerd’s – sake.


Comedian T-Shirts – George Carlin, Richard Pryor, and Lenny Bruce

$39, $22, and $20.  My Redd Foxx one is a hit so why stop there, you big dummy?


Welcome Mat

$20.  Very punny.


Place Mats

$20.  I need 8 of ‘em.  8 mats.  Not 8 sets of 8 mats.  Why would I need that many?  That’d be the $64,000 question.



$12.  I do have a cool set of coasters but not this cool – and this nerdy.  Not sure how I’ve made it this far without ‘em… guess I’ve kind of coasted.



$75 – $395.  My Mom just bought me this one.  I’d love more.  It’s boss.  And BOSS.


Comic Genius

$33.  My therapist owns this book.  And I got my therapist thru the Laugh Factory in Hollywood.  So it makes sense.


Portable Air Mattress

$69.  And if you still feel deflated after therapy, you can get an self-inflatable air mattress.  My brother, Vikas, owns one.  It’s legit.  It deflates all the way down to fit in a backpack.  People not included.



$70.  Since I’m still a kid at heart, I seriously want a pair.  I’m a size 9 in sneakers and 8 in dress shoes.  You do the math.  8.5?

images (2)

“Follow them size 5s.” – Mama Fratelli, The Goonies


Shoe Lifts

$12.  But I’m still an adult, so I want to be higher off the ground.  Still a size 8.5.


“I wish I was a little bit taller.” – Skee-Lo (If he wore these, would he be Skee-Hi?)



$95 – $350.  I like ‘em thin.  And rich-looking.



Nature’s Guru Chai

$26.  I had some of the masala spice chai at an event I recently hosted in Southern California.  I’m a tea & coffee fiend – and it was phenomenal.


The Beatles CDs – The Beatles Bootleg Recordings 1963, LOVE, and On Air – Live at The BBC Volume 2

I prolly love tea because of the British influence in India.  I’m torn on whether to buy more CDs since I haven’t bought one in so long – I get most of my music online (primarily Spotify) so might be able to settle for purchasing these in iTunes (and I think some of these may only be available in iTunes) but the Beatles have put out a few more compilations I don’t currently own.


A Big Booty Hoe

$?.  Oh, never mind.  That’s for my birthday.


White Linen Shirt

$145 (Varies).  Here’s a pic of one but I’m not married to it.  Or the guy in it.  “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” – Seinfeld


Pairs of Socks (and Socks)

$15.  They’ll go well with my Heelys.

Argyle Sock - Orange

“They’re MY socks!” – George & Jerry arguing.  Another Seinfeld reference.  And now we’ve come full circle.


I’ll be sure to share this on Facebook.  As far as where to ship, email me.  Or just show up.  It’ll be in the house with the Mat mat.

2 Comments  Add Your Own
  • 12 Months of Rajiv said:

    […] last week, I posted my Christmas list.  The first thing on it was the Year of The Hustle calendar, inspired by Jerry Seinfeld’s […]

  • Rajiv Satyal said:

    Oh, and I’ll take some noise-cancelling Bose headphones and a cool backpack. Just sayin’.

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